Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Power of One

Walking down the trail this morning, with our Labrador and Rottweiler in tow, I looked down at the various shades of leaves on the ground. Brown, mahogany, yellow and green scattered beneath my feet and some floating from the trees as I walked. The dogs ran across them making crunching sounds, while I stopped on the dirt trail and reflected on the past nine days. My mind was still processing the previous day’s events and everything that transpired, from what I thought was a chance encounter that cascaded beginning with one action.

I believe that I’m positioned by God to influence. As a Christian, I believe that my decisions matter and with those decisions I make an impact. It makes sense that our actions affect those around us whether positively or negatively.  I also believe that if one person makes a difference, then it’s possible that the person they impacted may then affect the next person and it cascades from there. I read somewhere that 97% of people operate in a comfort zone while the other 3% operate in the growth zone. How often do you step out of your comfort zone to make a difference?
“We need to leave by 10:30am. The construction traffic in Dallas was a mess on Monday and your appointment is at 1pm.” I said knowingly. I’d driven the same route earlier in the week and barely made my own appointment.

Two hours later we breezed out of the elevators and into the Dr.’s office, shocked by the fact that we blazed through Dallas morning traffic without construction or accident delays. That had never happened before and the chances were slim that it would happen again. We checked in, took a seat in the lobby, and waited for Aaron’s name to be called.

Moments later, a petite, young, red-headed woman stepped out of the Dr.’s office, but we didn’t pay much attention to her until she said, “This may seem inappropriate, but my partner’s in a wheelchair and I was wondering if I could ask you a question?”

 “Yes,” my husband replied without hesitation. For him, being approached by a complete stranger isn’t uncommon. People are curious or sometimes rudely think that they have the right to know what happened to him, but in this case you could hear the desperate need for knowledge in her voice.

“Do you have an ileal conduit?” she asked.

“No” he answered and then proceeded to explain why.

While my mind was trying to process what an ileal conduit was, a young man rolled out into the lobby and stopped beside her. He had shaggy, blonde hair, like a California surfer, and his eyes were steel blue. He wore a grey beanie on his head for warmth since the temperatures had dipped into the 30’s that morning. His face had a gentleness to it that hid all too well the pain he was dealing with. As the conversation continued over the next 30 minutes, I discovered that he, like my husband, experienced severe nerve pain 24/7, which is a condition that affects less than 2% of spinal cord injured people. That was the “I get it” moment when my heart felt connected to them and made me want to reach out somehow.

A nurse walked out and called our name, so Gentrie and I hurriedly exchanged phone numbers. In the past I’d given out my number, thinking that I’d made a connection with someone, only to never hear from them again. I don’t take it personally, but in this case there was a strong pull on my heart to make the first move. Whenever I meet another caregiver, I feel a need to connect. Sometimes it’s because I see that I’m further along in the journey and I may be able to shed light on their situation. Sometimes, it’s because I think I can learn from them, and on occasion we have something in common other than our spouse's disability. So, I sent her a text, knowing they were probably loading into their car, but she sent back a short reply. 

That Friday night, we became Facebook friends. Gentrie was a member in a FB group, in which members or their spouses are living with paralysis, and she had posted a question about getting a new wheelchair covered. She wrote: 

How do you get your wheelchair paid for? I just called my insurance company and was told that I have a $3000 deductible which I already knew… And that durable medical equipment was limited to $2000 a year…On paper, Medicaid pays for wheelchairs, but he keeps being denied. His wheelchair is from 2004.

As the wife of a paralyzed veteran, I’m familiar with the VA system and Tricare. My husband’s allowed two wheelchairs at a time so that he has a backup chair if one should need repairs. When I read her post, I couldn’t understand how her partner didn’t have the same. If his main mode of transportation is broken and there’s no backup then he’s stranded.  What would you do if were paralyzed and your power chair or vehicle broke down and no one was around to help you? Stop and think about it. What would you do? 

I wanted to help Gentrie, but we had only met in passing. I wondered how she would perceive it if someone she had just met offered help. Would she think I was being nosey, stalking her on Facebook, or too much in her personal business? My heart kept tugging at me as I struggled with whether or not to reach out. I even asked my husband if he thought it would be appropriate. Finally, I sent this Facebook message to her on Saturday:

Hello. I know we barely got to know one another the other day, but I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. As a veteran's spouse, I'm immersed in a community that battles the VA for our spouses’ healthcare regularly. Although the VA is less than ideal, I am learning from your posts that we have so much to be thankful for. When Aaron was first injured, he was incorrectly fitted for two different wheelchairs and the VA wouldn't take them back. We ended up donating both of those wheelchairs to others with paralysis. With this in mind, I'm reaching out to several of my friends, whose husbands are also paralyzed, in hopes that they may have an unused chair. If I'm successful at getting someone to donate a chair, would you be open to receiving it on behalf of Matt?

Gentrie told me that she was hesitant to approach Matt about the chair, as he had just been released from the hospital a few days prior and was still not feeling well, but she replied with the following:

You are so sweet! Chance encounters are really just blessings. Matt’s chair has to be a power chair and if you come across one his size that someone isn't using, well it will definitely be a God thing. Which I completely believe can happen. He has a push chair, but since he doesn't have enough trunk support to use it unsupervised (he falls out of it too easily) while I'm at work... he can't drive from it. Regardless, it warms my heart that you would even make the request.

So, I immediately messaged three of my peers to include Stacy, whose veteran husband is paralyzed and needs a power chair just like Matt. I asked:

Odd question, but does Chris have a wheelchair he doesn't use anymore? We met a young man the other day that was injured when he was a minor. He doesn't qualify for Medicare because of that. Anyway, he's in a ten year old wheelchair that’s so broken down that he's continually getting pressure sores. I'm trying to find anyone that may have a chair they're not using anymore. Any help would be appreciated.

Stacy wrote back:

Wouldn't it be great if we could get them a new chair? Chris has two power chairs. His new one is in for repairs as the airlines damaged it. After he gets it back he won't "need" a "back up" chair. He went six  years and functioned JUST fine with only one power chair! I’m going to work my wifely mojo on him. Then we would be able to give him a new chair and tank chair to get him back to good.  

Over the next six days, the three of us messaged back and forth gathering information from one another regarding chair features, measurements, weight, cushion sizing, pictures of the wheelchair, etc. At this point, I didn’t want to share their names due to privacy reasons which made me the common denominator! So, when Stacy would ask me a question, I’d ask Gentrie and then I’d respond back to Stacy. I toggled back and forth on personal messaging trying not to mix up all three of our conversations. I was so excited to make this happen, but I also knew that there was the chance that Matt may not want any part of our conspiring. I was trying to not get ahead of myself, although I’ll admit that I did have some of my ego involved in making this happen. If it did take place, then I would get to witness the power of my actions and the generosity of my peers.

Then the following message came from Gentrie, one week later, on Friday evening:

"Guess what!? I actually decided to go ahead and mention it to Matt. He immediately said yes. I can't believe it. He never makes decisions quickly. I mean I can believe it b/c he needs it. It makes me simultaneously happy that he agreed and sad b/c that further tells me how much he is in need. I'm your spirit, Stacy and Chris' and then Matts' immediate response. Stacy friended me on FB yesterday so I can let her know BUT I'm sure it will bring you joy to let her know first since this is a direct impact of YOUR sweet actions...let me know."

I was ecstatic. I read her message twice and then I read it aloud to my husband. I think at this point he was tired of hearing me talk about the power chair, because I had read every Facebook conversation to him over the course of the week along with every single thought I had surrounding it.  I felt in my heart that meeting Gentrie and Matt was not a chance encounter, but an encounter orchestrated by God. As a Christian, I felt my actions were meant to make a difference in whatever capacity. Delivery still had to be arranged and I lived two hours away, which meant I wouldn’t be present for the hand-off. I really wanted to be a part of it, but I reminded myself that this event wasn’t about me.

Sunday afternoon, Stacy and Chris delivered the chairs and had the opportunity to meet Gentrie and Matt for the first time.  Not only was Chris donating his gently-used power chair, but he was also donating a tank chair that would get around outdoors for things like hunting and fishing. It’s relevant to point out that a power chair typically cost fifty thousand dollars or more depending on different features. A tank chair can cost anywhere from fifteen thousand up to twenty-five thousand, so this was a huge blessing that lifted a financial burden off of Gentrie and Matt, while at the same time giving both of them some much needed hope.

This is where my actions cascaded to Stacy, who over the course of the afternoon realized Matt didn’t have a reliable vehicle. He’s been fighting the government system for over two years to get his unsafe truck repaired. This leaves him virtually housebound when Gentrie is working or traveling for business, which she has done twenty-eight times in the past ten months. Stacy had experience in fundraising so she quickly jumped into action by starting a “Go Fund Me” campaign, which is based on the premise of crowd-funding.  The goal was originally to raise at least thirty thousand dollars to buy Matt an adapted van among other things. Stacy not only started the fundraising, but she also called the local FOX news television station and spoke to a reporter about airing the story.

So, Tuesday morning, all six of us met at Gentrie’s home to be interviewed by FOX channel 4. It was surreal to be sitting in her home when we had only met nine days prior and spoke on the phone one time since meeting. Everything was happening so fast and yet here all of us were in her living room getting ready to be interviewed for that evening’s five o’clock news. Although Gentrie and Matt weren’t part of our wounded veteran community, they still had similar struggles in common. Those struggles united us and made them part of our family.  All of this was happening, because I chose to listen to my heart and move beyond my comfort zone, which lead to Stacy doing the same. The power of one now turned into the power of two people making an impact.

The power of two people has currently led to close to two-hundred people making a difference. Twenty-three days into the “Go Fund Me” campaign and the donations total $18,325 which was funded by one hundred and seventy-three people, many of them virtual strangers. Those strangers were making a difference by being part of a bigger movement, stepping out of their comfort zone. Over time, more and more people will decide to make a  donation, which will eventually lead to the purchase of a safe vehicle for Matt.

So often, it's easier to look at the world and only see the negatives. We see the darkness that surrounds us and wonder how we could possibly do anything to impact the majority. But if we believe that notion, then we might as well give up, and if we give up then we’re part of the darkness. I challenge you to be the light. I challenge you to be the person who smiles at a stranger and possibly alters their mood, or buys your co-worker a cup of coffee, donate to a local charity or volunteer in your community. If you do any of those things, I believe that you'll see the power of one person making a difference. It starts with you.

*To see the Dallas news interview go to: FOX 4 News interview
*To donate to Matthew go to: