Saturday, August 15, 2015

Finding a Healthy Balance










I'm a caregiver to my spouse, but that doesn't define me. I'm a certified personal trainer, but I don't spend every waking moment in the gym. I eat as clean as possible, but I confess that sometimes I indulge in ice cream or chocolate. I try to get enough sleep, but sometimes I stay up past my bedtime. I have learned how to find balance where there used to be extremes. I have learned how to better cope with the challenges that we as caregivers navigate daily. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have learned moderation and a healthy balance!

As caregivers, we take on so many different roles that it's easy to lose sight of taking care of ourselves. What constitutes balance for one person may look completely different to another. It depends on how much care you provide to your loved one. It depends on whether or not you have children. It depends on whether you work outside the home or maybe do volunteer work. There are many factors that contribute to what your typical day looks like and how much time you can devote to yourself. Many times you may be so exhausted that you gravitate towards things that actually drain you more. Maybe you don't think that you deserve a break and so you keep on going. Regardless, at some point in your day, you need to take five or ten minutes to stop and focus on self care. Let me make one thing very clear before I continue....taking care of yourself DOES NOT make you selfish. It allows you to keep going for the long haul.

I know how hard it is to make time for self care, but it is crucial to do just that. I used to be an "all or nothing" type of person. I didn't see the point of doing something in moderation, but that type of thinking isn't always productive and often trying to be everything to everybody can lead to overload. We can do anything full blast for a short time, but eventually we may crash if we don't tune in to our needs. I know this from personal experience. I had a full-blown breakdown one year after my husband was paralyzed and I ended up hospitalized. Obviously, being in the hospital didn't allow me to be a caregiver and my husband had to fend for himself. For that entire first year, I tried to keep everything like it was before his injury, as if nothing had changed. I was in complete denial that something needed to give and for me that was letting go of control and perfection. I also didn't take time to decompress, because I felt guilty if I did. However, after two years of counseling, I learned that it's okay to not do everything perfectly all the time. I still struggle with that concept from time to time, but I understand now that moderation doesn't equal failure.

I want you to stop and think about something that you enjoyed as a youngster. Maybe it was drawing in a coloring book, riding a bike, roller skating, gardening, reading, or whatever it was that allowed you to be completely immersed in the activity and lose track of time.When was the last time you went for a short walk to clear your mind?  When was the last time you lit a candle and took a bath? When was the last time you allowed yourself to stop what you were doing and call that friend that you lost touch with? How about taking thirty seconds to hug your husband and/or children instead of rushing by them in a hurry. When was the last time that you just closed your eyes and simply focused on being in the moment? Think of how relaxed those things would make you feel. I can hear your response and you're saying, "I don't have time!" My reply is, "You have to make time" and that requires self discipline.

How do you make time for yourself each day when you feel like everyone is relying on you to do everything? First, stop and take a look at where you spend your time. Is there something that you can delegate? I understand that delegating means that it won't get done to your standards, but that really isn't such a terrible thing if it allows you to take ten minutes for yourself. Second, think about how much time you spend on social media, or playing Candy Crush or whatever online game you play. Third, look at how much time you spend mindlessly sitting in front of the television watching less than stimulating programming and too many commercials. The average American spends four to five hours each day watching television. Do any of those things make you feel rejuvenated? Once you 're able to look at how you spend your time then you may find that you really do have time to pamper yourself. You just have to prioritize what's really important in the big picture and that includes making yourself one of those priorities.

Here's a couple ideas to help you get started on self care:

*Grab one of your kids coloring books and color one page. Or maybe buy one just for you!
*Go for a walk around the block, without your phone, so you can clear your mind.
*Get a sheet of paper and spend five minutes writing whatever comes to mind.
*Read one chapter of your favorite book.
*Take a power nap.
*Enjoy a cup of decaf coffee or tea.
*Crank up your favorite song and dance like no one is watching.
*Call a friend.
*Learn a new yoga pose and practice it. Don't worry about looking awkward.
*Stretch your body.
*Cuddle with a pet.
*Do a crossword puzzle.
*Look out the window and take in the scenery.
*Grab a ball and roll it around under your feet. Feel the tension release.

Whatever it is that makes you feel rejuvenated, I challenge you to seek it out and actually do it. Do what truly makes you feel good and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It may be hard at first to make yourself a priority, but I believe that once you get in the habit then you'll wish you had done it sooner. So, what are you waiting for?






































Friday, May 22, 2015

Memorial Day



 What comes to mind when you think about Memorial Day weekend? Do you think about the sacrifices of our fallen soldiers and the loved ones they left behind? I'm sad to say that I didn't. For 20 years my focus during any type of holiday revolved around marketing, merchandising, getting customers in the store and selling as much product as possible. As a retail manager, my focus was not about the true meaning of the holiday, but rather making sales goal for the day. Unfortunately, it kept me from taking time to reflect about the importance of each holiday and that included Memorial Day.
 
I no longer work outside the home, because I now care for my husband who is a paralyzed veteran. My entire focus has changed and I wanted to do something to truly honor those who have given their life for the freedoms we enjoy in the USA.  Although my husband has served and is now injured, I am blessed to have him with me everyday. I can see him, talk with him, laugh with him, hug him or just sit quietly with him. I have him in my presence. Many families no longer have that and I'll be the first to admit that I can't begin to comprehend their loss. How do they feel when the focus of Memorial Day is around a 3-day weekend, BBQ's and retail sales rather than honoring their fallen soldier?

Carry the Load http://carrytheload.org/splash/ is a non-profit organization trying to restore the meaning of Memorial Day. Each year starting on April 30, the National Relay travels over 2,000 miles to honor families of our nation's fallen heroes. It starts at West Point and ends in Dallas, TX. The relay route is broken into 348 legs and each leg is an opportunity for people to join the team as it comes through their neighborhood.  You can walk it on your own or get a group of friends together to walk a 2 hour leg.You can do fundraising or simply give your time by walking. You can walk as little or as much as you are comfortable with. I intended to walk about 30 minutes, because I was going alone and  I didn't have a ride back to my car. Plus at 4am in the morning it's very dark outside, because here in the country there's no city lights to illuminate the road unless you count the reflection of a deer or armadillo's eyes when your headlights shine on them!                                                                                                                                                                       
When I met up with the relay group from Carry the Load and the soldiers that were participating, I was energized. I saw the huge charter bus with the logo and images of soldiers and first responders on it and thought about how many cities it had traveled through. I promise that the bus didn't drive us and that we actually walked the route. I saw the team carrying the U.S. flag along with the Carry the Load flag and I started reflecting on how this small part of my day was a little sacrifice compared to what our soldiers do for us.

Our local group was a small group of 9 people, but I imagine that was partly due to the 4am start time as well a need for more marketing in our area. Once we completed the 2 hour leg (5 miles), we had a photo-op for Carry the Load's website as well as the local  newspaper.  Then we  had the pleasure of signing the Carry the Load banner. I would guess that about 500 people had signed before us and we all had a common goal in mind. Some of us have military family members and some didn't, but what we all had in common was the desire to honor our nation's heroes. Unfortunately, the word "hero" is thrown around too casually in our society. It's used to describe celebrities, sports icons or musicians, but few of them have laid down their life for another. Let's take the focus back of what Memorial Day is about: taking time to remember those who served and given the ultimate sacrifice. 

Thank you to all the men and women of the Armed Forces-past, present and future.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Carolyn E. Reed, M.D.



Five years ago, on February 14, 2010 I had the bottom two lobes of my right lung removed due to lung cancer. I was blessed with an amazing, compassionate and competent thoracic surgeon named Carolyn E. Reed, M.D.  I say this with confidence; because she was the doctor I went to for a second opinion. If I had listened to the first surgeon I consulted with, then I would have ended up with an unnecessary removal of the entire right side of my lung. Due to Dr. Reed’s vast experience and surgical skills, the top right lobe was sparred during surgery.

I remember meeting her for the first time and how she instantly made me feel as ease. I’d been diagnosed with lung cancer only weeks before. After ten years of being mistakenly treated for adult onset asthma, I was confused as to how I'd been misdiagnosed for so many years by so many doctors. I was one of those people who never smoked yet somehow had lung cancer. I remember her telling me after numerous tests had been completed that, “If you’re going to have cancer, then this is the one you want to have.” What she meant by this was that the cancer was very slow growing. It was like a jawbreaker sitting in my bronchial tube and had been slowly growing over the years until it became large enough to block all oxygen to my middle two lobes, which then caused the bottom lobe to collapse.

My husband worked in the medical field (to include the O.R.) for over fourteen years and told me that he had rarely seen a doctor so knowledgeable, patient and compassionate. Before going into surgery, there was hope that the tumor could be removed without doing a full thoracotomy, meaning cutting into my side and opening the ribs. On the way to pathology, Dr. Reed saw my husband waiting. My husband is paralyzed and experiences severe muscle spasms when he gets upset. When my husband saw her, he had a spasm that knocked his phone out of his hands and it then skidded across the floor. She stopped to pick it up and then paused to speak with him. She took the time to draw a diagram on a napkin he had, and explained exactly what she had found and why she wasn’t able to remove the tumor using laparoscopic methods. She was able to spare the top lobe, which we weren’t sure was possible. Unlike many surgeons, after sending a tissue sample down to pathology to find out if there was a clear margin, she personally walked down during surgery (instead of taking the pathologist’s word) to see for herself. That extra step is something she did to ensure that her patients had the best chance for recovery possible. As a survivor, I think that makes her exceptional.

I remember going to see Dr. Reed for follow-up appointments, of which I had many in the first two years, and she always took the time to talk with me and my husband. She would patiently answer questions or concerns that I had and even made time to briefly chit chat. Not many doctors make time for that anymore and it’s something that I feel made her stand out from any other doctor I had encountered previously. She made me feel valued as a person and her patient. I even asked if I could take a picture of her and me along with Maggie McClain, ANP-C.  She said yes and I still have that photo to remind of what I survived. Dr. Reed understood great “bedside manner."

On February 14th of this year, while doing strength training and cardio at the gym, I took time to reflect on the past five years post-surgery. I marveled at the capacity of the human body to compensate for something as significant as losing two of the five lobes that make up our lungs. Although I get a little winded and my heart pounds a little harder when running faster than 5.5 mph, the fact that I can run that fast is astounding! It’s at those times that I am reminded to back off a little and respect what my body has survived. I am forever in gratitude to Dr. Carolyn Reed and her exceptional staff at MUSC.

I sat down today with the intent of writing a thank you letter to Dr. Reed. I went online to look up the address for MUSC, where she practiced, and couldn’t find her name on the staff listing. I was confused. I remembered that she had problems with her hip and had to walk with a cane, so my first instinct was that maybe she had retired. So I then did a Google search and that’s when I saw her name and photo.

Now instead of writing a thank you letter, I am writing a piece in honor of her. It is with great sadness and surprise today that I discovered that she passed away three years ago in 2012. What I found online was her obituary. That means that she passed away shortly after I stopped going to see her for follow-ups, because we moved to Texas. I dug through my medical files and pulled out the photo. She is standing on my right with her short brown hair, glasses and a big smile on her narrow face. On my other side is Maggie, whom I hope followed in Dr. Reed’s footsteps.  Maybe I’m too emotional, but I actually cried for a moment, because Dr. Reed had that kind of impact on me. My husband said this about her, “Every time I lose faith in doctors, I think of her.”

Today, when I run at the gym, I will run with Dr. Carolyn E. Reed in my memory and heart.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Gene Hampton



                                      
The cars entered the double gates one by one, circling around the drive, and then coming to a stop beside the shelter. Passengers exited their cars with gloved hands shoved in coat pockets, scarves wrapped tightly around their necks beneath their heavy coats, and speaking to one another with hushed words. The sky was overcast and the temperature a chilly thirty-two degrees; the kind of cold that people refer to as “chilled to the bone.” The wind blew steadily, snapping the cloth of the two flags positioned beside each other. Family and friends took their seats on the hard, wooden benches while others remained standing in the back row, creating a protective wall. A few people looked over their programs which served as a temporary distraction from the event taking place, while others looked straight ahead.
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William Eugene “Gene” Hampton (known as “Papa” to his family) was born in Pryor, Oklahoma on July 31, 1919. When Pearl Harbor was bombed on December 7, 1941, he was a twenty-two year old man, strong and in good condition. His draft card had the letter “A” on it, which meant he would be one of the first to be drafted. He spoke about the pocket watch that his Father gave to him before he went off to war. His Father was proud of him and although he didn’t allow himself to show emotion when saying goodbye, the watch would serve as a reminder of the love and pride he had for his son. Papa vividly recalled his early days of training before going off to fight in the South Pacific, describing it as vigorous,  very strict, and it included military courtesy and discipline. He spoke about being able to climb a rope, dig a foxhole and jumping into it while machine gun fire shot a few feet over his head, and said, “It didn’t bother me. Some of the guys went haywire, though.”

He recalled that as soldiers in the Army they were trained and told, “There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Army way and you will do it by the Army way, and so we did. We were fighting for a cause. Japan attacked America.  We were fighting for our freedom. We were to be patriotic Americans and give our life for the government. We were not our own now and belonged to Uncle Sam.” When he spoke about being a soldier and the war, it was like he was recalling details from the day before even though it was sixty years later.

 In 2005, at the age of eighty-six, he was interviewed, along with other WWII veterans about his time in the war. One of the questions asked was about how he earned the Bronze Star. He humbly said, “I’m not a hero. Like I said before, the heroes are dead.” It was at this point that you could hear the catch in his voice as he tried to maintain composure while answering the interviewer. He then went on to say, “We had some guys that gave their lives for their buddies. But I was in combat and I have a combat infantryman’s badge…I don’t know of any special mission, except I tried to do my duty and be a good soldier and I did what I thought was right…and so I have a Bronze Star. I thank the Lord for it, but I know there are other men who probably deserve it more.” This type of response was typical of Papa as he was a humble man willing to give credit to others.

While being interviewed, he wore his Infantry uniform, which still fit like the day it was issued. The jacket was a muddy brownish-green with a cloth belt buckled around the waist. Near the edge of the sleeves gold stitching was sewn all the way around and matched the brassy-gold buttons that vertically buttoned in the center of the jacket. Each lapel displayed the letters “U.S.”  Slightly below was a pin on each lapel of two crisscrossed rifles and Captain Bars were placed on each shoulder. Two pockets were located at the bottom of the jacket and two more on each side of the chest with the same brass colored buttons centered on the flaps. Above the left pocket flap, four campaign ribbons were lined up horizontally. On the pocket flap below, the Purple Heart, Bronze Star, and Expert Rifle Marksmanship badge were pinned on tightly.

When asked about the Purple Heart, he recalled the story of having his machine guns (which he explained were water-cooled machine guns) and that his platoon was on the last hill, which he called Coconut Hill. The Japanese were shooting mortars on him and his platoon. He described how the Japanese would lob them up in the air and then the mortars would fall down and bombard the platoon. The mortars would shatter into tiny little pieces of fragments and go in every direction. Some of those fragments hit his shoulder and remained there the rest of his life. He said, “It wasn’t a real severe injury, it wasn’t real bad. I was very fortunate.” Nevertheless, he earned the Purple Heart.

At one point, the interviewer asked, “What did you do for good luck?” Papa questioned, “Good luck? I didn’t believe in good luck. I believe the Lord is my shepherd, my protector. 91st Psalm is my favorite Psalm…so I trust the Lord to be with me and I went through a lot of narrow escapes.”

One of those narrow escapes was when he and his platoon were on a hill in the Philippines and they were taking heavy fire. He told his men to pull back. They couldn’t see their enemy, because the Japanese were so well hidden. While Papa was trying to spot a sniper through his field glasses, he heard the snapping and crack of a bullet whizzing by him. He has just moved a little bit to the right when the bullet rushed by, and when he looked down he saw several bullet holes in the wrinkles of his left sleeve. He said that the sniper had a “bead on my heart” and it was a near escape.

Papa spent two long years in combat when “VJ Day” took place. VJ Day was the day of the allies victory over Japan on September 2, 1945. He spent two long years away from his family, away from his baby girl that was ten days old when he deployed, and two long years not knowing when and if he was going home. He vividly recalls that day saying, “We’d been training and we’d been fighting, of course, in the Philippines, and we were getting ready to invade south Japan…all of a sudden we heard horns blowing down in the company area. Guys are hollering, shouting, and something was going on. So someone came running up and said ‘Japan surrendered’ and boy we just rejoiced. I mean, that’s the day you’re waiting for,” as he put his arms up over his head showing victory.

What would surprise so many people is the fact that Papa held no malice towards the Japanese people. He would always say, “You know they’re people just like us. They’re human beings and my heart went out for them…and when I saw those little farms (while riding around the farmland in his Jeep one day), you know, in my heart, I’m a farmer (as he chuckles) and I’m a human being and I respect other human beings.” 

“If you could share one piece of wisdom with future generations, what would it be?” the interviewer asked as his final question.

Papa responded, “Appreciate your freedom and thank the Lord every day for America, and for your freedom, and the privilege we have to accept or reject Christianity.” He spoke these words ten years ago, yet they’re still relevant today. So many citizens forget about the sacrifices of our veterans and that those sacrifices allow us to speak freely, vote in a Democratic country, move about the country freely, and practice whatever faith we choose if we choose to do so.
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The wind blew steadily, snapping the cloth of the two flags, which stood across from one another. The American flag and the VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars) flag each stood on one side of the casket, while a Specialist and First Lieutenant stood at attention beside each flag. A pair of combat boots sat on the grass, with an M1 Garand rifle and fixed bayonet stuck into the ground between the boots, with a helmet resting on top of the rifle symbolizing a fallen hero. Papa was a ninety-five year old combat veteran who served his country with honor. On December 21, 2014, he passed away in hospice, while surrounded by his children.

He was a man of unshakeable faith, sharing his love for God with anyone he met, speaking from his heart, and sharing scripture. He had blue eyes that twinkled; showed kindness when he smiled, and his hands were soft from decades of gardening. Papa loved gardening and had several raised beds in his backyard along with a greenhouse full of plants. He was well versed in homeopathic remedies, growing herbs and vegetables, and the concept of “clean eating” well before it became popular to those who practice healthy lifestyles. He had silver-white hair which he wore combed neatly back, framing his prominent cheek bones, and he wore wire-rimmed glasses to read his Bible and the numerous books that surrounded him at home.

Reverend Darren Rogers was the officiator at the funeral service and knew Papa well from church. He spoke thoughtful words and shared memories of times he spent with Papa.  He told a story about visiting the VA hospital with Papa and how the two of them would make their rounds to comfort the veterans. He recalled how at the age of seventy-seven Papa would always take the stairs instead of the elevator because he had boundless energy. Reverend Rogers joked about the fact that he, at a much younger age than Papa, would be winded by the time they reached the top of the stairs. He would try to hide his exertion from Papa, who was not winded at all and still able to hold a conversation! He spoke about Papa writing scripture on a yellow 5x7 index card with black lettering, inserted into his jacket pocket, just peeking out of the top so that others could read it voluntarily. Written on the card was the scripture: “Jesus said I am the way, the truth, the life. No man comes to the Father except through me”. Apparently, in the past, a VA employee had complained about Papa sharing scripture, but being a strong-willed and somewhat stubborn man, he wasn’t going to let that stop him. So, the card peeking out of his pocket was his way of sharing his strong conviction without upsetting the VA employee.

Seven veterans from the VFW stood across from the enclosure on the grassy area. With rifles in their hands, they lifted them, and fired three shots each for a “twenty-one gun salute.” Even for those that are familiar with a “full military honor” funeral, the loud shots caught them off-guard. Then, as tradition requires, the American flag (which had cloaked the casket) was carefully and properly folded into a tight triangle, with the stars facing outward. It was then presented to Papa’s daughter, Sonya, on behalf of a grateful nation and its citizens.
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 After the funeral service, the family went to the church to spend time together. Papa’s grandson, Aaron, was present that day. Aaron had followed in Papa’s footsteps by joining the Army infantry. The two of them had a connection that only soldiers’ understand due to their experiences in the military, and since they had both had been in combat, that connection was even stronger.

Uncle David stood up and gathered everyone’s attention. He held Papa’s Infantry “dress greens” uniform in his hands. It was in immaculate condition, just like it looked in the 2005 interview. The top of the left arm sleeve displayed Papa’s unit patch showing that he served in the 1st Battalion 182nd Infantry (Americal Division) under General Douglas McArthur. Papa wore his uniform to any military function he attended because he was so proud to be an American. Papa’s uniform had been willed to Uncle David and he respected Papa’s service, but knew that it would end up in a closet where no one else would see it.

Uncle David then spoke about the advocacy work that Aaron does for wounded soldiers and how he frequently invites soldiers to visit his home, “Lost Creek Ranch,” for respite and mentorship. In Aaron’s home, Papa’s uniform would be seen by others that could appreciate it and understand the sacrifices it represents. It was at this point that Aaron began to realize that his Uncle was honoring him with his grandfather’s uniform. The emotion was evident on Aaron’s face even though he was trying to be stoic. As Aaron was handed the uniform he started speaking and it was captured on video:

“I was very fortunate to talk to Papa and he talked to me about how proud he was…I was kind of worried because Papa was very concerned. I could have gone into any branch I wanted. When I went in the service, they tried to talk me out of going into the infantry. The recruiters tried to talk me out of it, but I said my Grandfather was in the infantry and I want to go into the infantry. I knew Papa didn’t want me to go into the infantry, he really didn’t, but it was something I wanted to do… I was fortunate to be able to do it. Papa did a lot of very tough things. He kept a lot of people alive and he brought a lot of people home and he lost a lot of people…I had a lot of respect for him. When I was in the service I always pushed a little bit harder too, because I always wanted to honor my Grandfather. I never wanted to bring dishonor on him and he was a good man. If I could have been half the man he was, then that would be good. He was good.”

Later that afternoon, we started the five-hour drive home and Aaron shared many memories about his Grandfather. He told me about the time Papa taught him how to hunt. Like so many soldiers from WWII, Papa struggled with PTSD (known as “shell shock” in that era) and the last thing he wanted to do was shoot a gun to kill, but he knew how much Aaron wanted to learn how to hunt. Aaron shared this story:

“My Grandparents owned a small farm in Billings, Missouri and in the past had to hunt for food out of necessity. The day Papa taught me how to hunt there was a thick layer of snow on the ground and the brush along the fence was dense, which made it a good hiding place for rabbits. We walked along the fence line tracking the rabbits and shaking the brush to make them run out. I had a Ruger 22 rifle and Papa wanted to make sure that I understood how important it was to use the safety and keep my finger off the trigger if I wasn’t ready to fire the rifle. So he told me to put the safety on and aim the rifle in a safe direction towards the power lines. I thought I had pushed the safety switch hard enough to engage it, but when he told me to fire the rifle it actually shot a round. It scared me. I thought for sure that I was going to get smacked and yelled at and that the lesson would be over. Instead Papa remained calm and told me that the safety on a weapon can fail and that this was why you never, ever put your finger on the trigger until you’re ready to shoot. Papa was the positive male role model that I never had in my life and that lesson stayed with me throughout my military career.”

Once we arrived home, we were looking over Papa’s uniform and it was then that I felt something in the left pocket. I put my hand inside and pulled out a handkerchief. Then I felt something else and pulled out a piece of binder paper which was folded in half twice. I carefully unfolded it and the writing, written with an elderly person’s shaky hand, was without a doubt Papa’s handwriting. Although the writing was hard to decipher, after careful review, we realized that it was his notes for a presentation given to an elementary school class in Springdale, Arkansas on Monday, November 28, 2013.

The following is what was written on the paper:

“It is a great privilege to speak a few words to such a fine looking group of smart students. You look good and intelligent. A beautiful school, best teacher, you are the best in Arkansas.
What a privilege to live in America.  A land of freedom.
As a private citizen & a veteran of WWII in South Pacific as a combat infantry officer in the Americal Division under General Douglas McArthur.
It is an honor & privilege to voluntarily recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
The pledge has been around a long time in public gatherings. Not compulsory until 1942. The 1954 Act of Congress added the words “under God.”
Thanks for inviting me. I am expecting great things from you. God bless you & God bless America.”

It was so fitting to find the school presentation, the handkerchief, and then having the ability to watch the interview from 2005. Everything I knew about Papa was from stories I’d heard my husband tell. While watching Papa speaking on camera, in uniform and wiping his eyes with his handkerchief, I was able to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. I was able to hear his voice, the emotions displayed on camera when speaking about the war, and his words, which I have shared here. Now that interview on DVD is safely stored for later viewing. As for Papa’s uniform, it will be displayed in a shadow box, along with documents and photos, for visitors to enjoy and remember the great man Papa Hampton was.